1
00:00:01,919 --> 00:00:03,652
EGYPTIANS! IT'S THE EGYPTIANS!

2
00:00:03,721 --> 00:00:06,988
WAIT. MAKE IT INTO A QUESTION.
WHO ARE THE EGYPTIANS?

3
00:00:09,660 --> 00:00:11,593
PERSIANS?

4
00:00:13,531 --> 00:00:15,509
WELL, THE EGYPTIANS ARE
THE ANSWER TO SOME QUESTION.

5
00:00:15,533 --> 00:00:17,800
I KNOW THAT. <i>[Door Opens]</i>

6
00:00:17,868 --> 00:00:19,617
HEY. HEY.

7
00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:21,898
I'M GOIN' TO THE HARDWARE
STORE, OR AS I LIKE TO CALL IT...

8
00:00:21,922 --> 00:00:24,506
MEN "R" US.

9
00:00:24,574 --> 00:00:27,492
IS THERE ANYPLACE YOU
WON'T GO TO PICK UP A MAN?

10
00:00:27,561 --> 00:00:32,347
YEAH. THE MUSEUM. YOU
WANNA COME WITH ME?

11
00:00:32,415 --> 00:00:34,833
LOOK, I DON'T THINK I'M
COMFORTABLE WITH THE IDEA...

12
00:00:34,902 --> 00:00:37,703
ABOUT GOIN' SOMEPLACE
AND GETTIN' PICKED UP.

13
00:00:37,772 --> 00:00:40,472
I THINK, IF I STAY
HOME AND BIDE MY TIME,

14
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:43,036
THAT EVENTUALLY MEL GIBSON
WILL RUN OUT OF GAS OUT FRONT,

15
00:00:43,060 --> 00:00:45,844
AND I'LL TAKE HIM IN AND...

16
00:00:45,913 --> 00:00:47,846
NEVER LET HIM GO. [Giggles]

17
00:00:47,915 --> 00:00:50,215
<i>[Knocking]</i> KNOCK, KNOCK.

18
00:00:50,284 --> 00:00:52,284
WHO'S THERE? MORON.

19
00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:56,271
MORON WHO? MORON WHO SAYS
"KNOCK KNOCK" WHEN HE COMES IN A ROOM.

20
00:00:58,275 --> 00:01:01,310
WELL, WELL, WELL.
LOOK AT YOU, LORI ANN.

21
00:01:01,378 --> 00:01:05,413
IT'S A NICE DRESS. DOES IT
COME WITH A VOLUME KNOB?

22
00:01:07,785 --> 00:01:09,718
FOR YOUR INFORMATION, BROCK,

23
00:01:09,787 --> 00:01:13,405
I AM TAKING YOUR EX-WIFE OUT
TO MEET A BETTER CLASS OF MAN.

24
00:01:13,473 --> 00:01:16,375
WHERE ARE YOU GOIN'?
ANYWHERE REALLY.

25
00:01:17,378 --> 00:01:20,562
WHY DON'T YOU TWO GET A ROOM?

26
00:01:20,631 --> 00:01:22,325
BESIDES, I TOLD
YOU I'M NOT GOIN'.

27
00:01:22,349 --> 00:01:24,932
YOU KNOW WHAT, REBA?
I THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA.

28
00:01:25,001 --> 00:01:26,479
WHAT? WHAT?

29
00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:28,904
YEAH. IT'S BEEN
LONG ENOUGH, REBA.

30
00:01:28,973 --> 00:01:30,951
MAYBE IT IS TIME
YOU STARTED DATING.

31
00:01:30,975 --> 00:01:33,591
WAIT. YOU TWO AGREE THAT
I SHOULD GO OUT DATING?

32
00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:35,294
YES, WE DO. ABSOLUTELY.

33
00:01:35,362 --> 00:01:37,078
WOW.

34
00:01:37,147 --> 00:01:40,882
WELL, IF THE TWO OF YOU AGREE ON
SOMETHING, THEN MAYBE I SHOULD DO IT.

35
00:01:40,951 --> 00:01:45,404
WHO KNOWS? MAYBE I'LL MEET SOMEBODY
IN THAT NEW ICE RINK DOWN IN HELL. HA!

36
00:01:47,974 --> 00:01:50,291
<i>[Reba] HA, HEY!</i>

37
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:53,528
<i>♪ WHO I AM IS WHO I WANNA BE ♪</i>

38
00:01:53,597 --> 00:01:57,916
<i>♪ I'M A SURVIVOR ♪♪</i>

39
00:02:00,154 --> 00:02:03,538
IS THIS YOUR CARD?

40
00:02:03,607 --> 00:02:07,425
NO, IT ISN'T. ARE YOU SURE YOU
KNOW HOW TO DO THIS TRICK?

41
00:02:07,494 --> 00:02:11,263
UH-HUH. IS THIS YOUR CARD?

42
00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:13,548
REBA, ARE YOU ABOUT READY?

43
00:02:15,986 --> 00:02:19,187
IT'S NOT FAIR. WHY CAN'T YOU
STAY HOME AND BABYSIT JAKE?

44
00:02:19,255 --> 00:02:21,657
YOU'RE MARRIED, WITH
A KID. I STILL HAVE A LIFE.

45
00:02:21,725 --> 00:02:25,577
KYRA, WHAT IS THE BIG
DEAL? I USED TO BABYSIT YOU.

46
00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:27,607
YEAH, RIGHT. YOU USED
TO STICK ME IN MY ROOM,

47
00:02:27,631 --> 00:02:30,916
SO YOU COULD SIT ON THE COUCH
AND MAKE OUT WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND.

48
00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:34,936
OH, RIGHT. [Giggles]

49
00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:40,224
IS THIS YOUR CARD?

50
00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:43,795
YES, IT IS.

51
00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:47,298
YOU FINALLY GOT IT RIGHT.

52
00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:51,686
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO
IT ANYMORE... TO ANYONE.

53
00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:56,291
WHERE YOU GOIN', HONEY?
TO GET MY MAGIC HAT.

54
00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:58,876
LORD! REBA, WE GOTTA MOVE.
HE'S GETTIN' HIS MAGIC HAT.

55
00:03:01,248 --> 00:03:04,383
I DON'T KNOW, LORI ANN. I FEEL
A LITTLE WEIRD ABOUT TONIGHT.

56
00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:06,952
DON'T GET ME WRONG. I
DO WANNA MEET SOMEBODY.

57
00:03:07,021 --> 00:03:09,487
BUT WHAT IF I GO OUT
THERE AND TRY REALLY HARD...

58
00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:12,040
AND WIND UP WITH A
BUNCH OF "NO, THANK YOUS"?

59
00:03:12,109 --> 00:03:14,709
OH, HONEY, THEY
DON'T SAY THANK YOU.

60
00:03:19,550 --> 00:03:21,482
OKAY, KYRA, I TOLD
YOU EVERYTHING, RIGHT?

61
00:03:21,551 --> 00:03:23,478
YOU TOLD ME I HAVE TO
GIVE UP A NIGHT WITH MY

62
00:03:23,502 --> 00:03:25,453
FRIENDS, SO YOU CAN GO
BARHOPPING WITH YOURS.

63
00:03:27,524 --> 00:03:30,892
YEAH, BUT DO YOU KNOW THE NUMBERS
OF THE BARS WE'RE GONNA BE HOPPIN' AT?

64
00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:34,429
MOM, DON'T WORRY ABOUT
HER. SHE'S GONNA DO A GOOD JOB.

65
00:03:34,498 --> 00:03:37,894
I KNOW. IF I DIDN'T, I WOULDN'T
HAVE PUT HER IN CHARGE.

66
00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:42,070
AT LEAST SHE WON'T BE MAKING OUT ON
THE COUCH WITH HER BOYFRIEND ALL NIGHT.

67
00:03:42,138 --> 00:03:44,922
MOM, HE WAS NOT MY BOYFRIEND.

68
00:03:49,813 --> 00:03:54,166
ALL RIGHT. IT'S TIME FOR REBA
AND LORI ANN TO RIDE AGAIN.

69
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:57,836
LIKE WE USED TO SAY,
THE NIGHT IS YOUNG, AND...

70
00:03:57,904 --> 00:04:00,205
WELL, AT LEAST THE
NIGHT IS STILL YOUNG.

71
00:04:00,274 --> 00:04:02,124
[Laughing]

72
00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:06,595
- KNOCK, KNOCK.
- WHO'S THERE? MORON.

73
00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:09,714
MORON WHO?

74
00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:12,134
NEVER MIND. WHAT
YOU NEED, BARBRA JEAN?

75
00:04:12,202 --> 00:04:15,019
WELL, I HEARD SOMEONE
WAS GOIN' OUT...

76
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:17,322
HOPIN' TO MEET OTHER SOMEONES,

77
00:04:17,391 --> 00:04:20,958
AND I THOUGHT, "I'VE GOT TO
LEND REBA MY LUCKY BRACELET."

78
00:04:26,616 --> 00:04:28,817
WELL, THANK YOU, BARBRA
JEAN. THAT'S VERY THOUGHTFUL.

79
00:04:28,885 --> 00:04:30,986
IT'S THE ONE I WAS
WEARIN' WHEN I MET BROCK.

80
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:37,975
YOU KNOW, I'M CURIOUS. WHO DO YOU
THINK YOU'RE SAYING THESE THINGS TO?

81
00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:44,165
WELL, I ALSO FIGURED THAT I
COULD GIVE YOU A FEW TIPS.

82
00:04:44,234 --> 00:04:47,068
NOW, AS YOU KNOW,
BEFORE I SETTLED DOWN,

83
00:04:47,137 --> 00:04:49,115
I HAD A BIT OF A WILD STREAK.

84
00:04:49,139 --> 00:04:53,708
AND I THOUGHT THAT YOU COULD BENEFIT
FROM THE RESULTS OF MY SINFUL RESEARCH.

85
00:04:54,978 --> 00:04:57,429
NO-NO OFFENSE, HONEY,
BUT SHE'S GOIN' WITH ME,

86
00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:59,664
AND I'M STILL RESEARCHIN'.

87
00:05:01,367 --> 00:05:04,714
OKAY THEN. I GUESS YOU
KNOW RICHIE'S IS NOW A GAY BAR,

88
00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:07,255
AND HATTER'S HAS
GONE VERY YOUNG.

89
00:05:07,324 --> 00:05:09,468
SHERMAN'S HAS A WONDERFUL SELECTION
OF LAWYERS, BUT THE MUSIC'S TOO LOUD.

90
00:05:09,492 --> 00:05:11,604
SO YOU'RE BETTER OFF AT HANNIGAN'S,
BUT LEAVE AFTER HAPPY HOUR...

91
00:05:11,628 --> 00:05:13,678
'CAUSE THAT'S WHEN THE
USED CAR SALESMEN SHOW UP.

92
00:05:15,748 --> 00:05:17,732
HAVE FUN, LADIES.

93
00:05:24,107 --> 00:05:27,509
YOU KNOW, I AM SURPRISED I'VE
NEVER BUMPED INTO HER BEFORE.

94
00:05:36,269 --> 00:05:39,637
ISN'T SHE THE CUTEST?
SHE'S MY FIRST GRANDCHILD.

95
00:05:39,706 --> 00:05:43,141
AND HERE'S THE REST OF
MY FAMILY. SEE? RIGHT THERE.

96
00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:45,805
THAT'S A HOUSEFUL,
HUH? [Laughs] <i>[Polite Laugh]</i>

97
00:05:45,829 --> 00:05:47,807
YEAH, YOU WOULDN'T
THINK I'D BE LONELY.

98
00:05:47,831 --> 00:05:49,909
<i>[Object Drops]</i> OOPS. EXCUSE ME.

99
00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:52,567
OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
AND THEN HERE'S THE...

100
00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:58,123
OKAY, HONEY, THAT'S THE THIRD
TIME. I DON'T THINK IT'S THEM.

101
00:05:59,792 --> 00:06:03,328
LOOK, REBA, YOUR CHILDREN
ARE ONLY CUTE TO YOU.

102
00:06:03,396 --> 00:06:06,298
YOU HAVE TO TALK ABOUT
SOMETHING INTERESTING.

103
00:06:07,417 --> 00:06:09,462
WELL, I GUESS I CAN
TALK ABOUT MY WORK.

104
00:06:09,486 --> 00:06:11,964
YOU KNOW, THE OTHER DAY, I
GOT TWO APPOINTMENTS MIXED UP,

105
00:06:11,988 --> 00:06:15,256
AND THE WRONG MR. SMITH CAME
IN FOR A TEETH-CLEANIN'. [Laughing]

106
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:20,478
THAT WAS A HOOT. OKAY.
FORGET ABOUT "INTERESTING."

107
00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:22,480
YOU NEED TO LIE.

108
00:06:24,150 --> 00:06:26,918
I CAN'T DO THAT. SURE, YOU CAN.

109
00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:29,921
I TELL MEN I'M A
ROMANIAN GYMNAST.

110
00:06:31,991 --> 00:06:35,693
MEN LOVE A FLEXIBLE WOMAN
WHO CAN'T SPEAK ENGLISH.

111
00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:39,113
LOOK, IF A MAN CAN'T
ACCEPT THE FACT...

112
00:06:39,182 --> 00:06:42,450
THAT I'M A HARD-WORKIN' WOMAN
RAISING THREE KIDS AND A GRANDCHILD...

113
00:06:42,519 --> 00:06:46,320
AND TRYIN' TO BLEND TWO MORTGAGES
INTO ONE LOW MONTHLY PAYMENT, THEN...

114
00:06:46,390 --> 00:06:48,367
OH, MY GOD. I AM BORING.

115
00:06:48,391 --> 00:06:51,942
OH. <i>[Cell Phone Rings]</i>

116
00:06:52,011 --> 00:06:54,379
[Ringing]

117
00:06:54,448 --> 00:06:57,648
HELLO. CHEYENNE,
IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

118
00:06:57,717 --> 00:07:00,118
FIX MY HAIR? WHY?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY...

119
00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:02,148
WAIT A MINUTE. HOW
CAN YOU SEE MY HAIR?

120
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:04,022
OH, MY GOSH.

121
00:07:05,576 --> 00:07:07,553
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOIN' HERE?

122
00:07:07,577 --> 00:07:10,172
I'M SORRY. I HAD TO COME DOWN HERE
AND MAKE SURE YOU WERE DOIN' OKAY.

123
00:07:10,196 --> 00:07:12,942
OH, YOUR MOM IS OKAY. SHE'S
WEARIN' THAT NEW PERFUME...

124
00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:16,318
EAU DE GET THE
HELL AWAY FROM ME.

125
00:07:18,805 --> 00:07:22,073
REALLY? I CAN'T BELIEVE
GUYS AREN'T ASKING YOU OUT.

126
00:07:22,141 --> 00:07:24,075
YOU BOTH LOOK VERY NICE.

127
00:07:24,143 --> 00:07:26,828
WELL, THANK YOU.
GET AWAY FROM HIM.

128
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:31,866
WE'RE DOIN' JUST FINE. AND DON'T
WORRY ABOUT ME. I'M GOIN' HOME.

129
00:07:31,935 --> 00:07:35,036
GOOD. 'CAUSE THIS PLACE
IS SMOKY AND SLEAZY.

130
00:07:35,104 --> 00:07:37,138
IT SMELLS LIKE BABY POOP.

131
00:07:39,326 --> 00:07:41,259
OH, BOY.

132
00:07:42,496 --> 00:07:45,080
LOOK, MOM, THERE'S
SOMETHING ON CAMPUS...

133
00:07:45,148 --> 00:07:48,549
THAT MIGHT BE A BETTER WAY FOR YOU
TO MEET MEN THAN IN A SMOKE-FILLED BAR.

134
00:07:48,618 --> 00:07:52,053
I'M NOT GOIN' TO A FRAT
PARTY. WHICH FRATERNITY?

135
00:07:53,957 --> 00:07:55,890
IT'S NOT A FRAT PARTY.

136
00:07:55,959 --> 00:07:57,992
IS IT A.A.? 'CAUSE THEY
SMOKE THERE TOO.

137
00:07:59,796 --> 00:08:03,665
NO. IT'S CALLED INSTA-DATING. YOU MEET A
BUNCH OF MEN FOR A COUPLE OF MINUTES,

138
00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:05,711
AND THEN IF YOU DON'T LIKE
EACH OTHER, YOU MOVE ON.

139
00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:07,713
IT'S-IT'S LIKE
"TRIAL SIZE" DATING.

140
00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:11,489
LIKE A LITTLE TRAY OF
MAN SAMPLES. I LOVE IT.

141
00:08:15,762 --> 00:08:19,631
<i>GOOD AFTERNOON, AND
WELCOME TO INSTA-DATING.</i>

142
00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:21,849
DID EVERYONE FILL
OUT THEIR DATE CARDS?

143
00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:24,769
<i>TODAY YOU'RE EACH GONNA
MEET 10 OR 12 DIFFERENT PEOPLE,</i>

144
00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:26,815
AND ONE OF THEM COULD
BE THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE.

145
00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:28,923
REMEMBER, YOU
DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME,

146
00:08:28,992 --> 00:08:31,192
SO GET RIGHT TO THE
ESSENCE OF WHO YOU ARE.

147
00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:36,047
EXCEPT FOR YOU. GET TO THE
ESSENCE OF SOMEONE INTERESTING.

148
00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:41,353
WELL, THAT'S ENOUGH
ABOUT ME. WHAT ABOUT YOU?

149
00:08:41,421 --> 00:08:43,355
SWITCH!

150
00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:47,659
NICE TO MEET YOU,
FIRST GUY. [Laughs]

151
00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:51,379
HI. MY NAME'S REBA. MAYBE
YOU SHOULD GO FIRST.

152
00:08:51,447 --> 00:08:53,965
RELAX. I'VE DONE THIS BEFORE.
MY NAME IS FRED, FROM ATLANTA.

153
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:57,096
PARENTS WORKED IN A FACTORY. HAPPY
CHILDHOOD. ME, I SELL CARS. TOYOTAS.

154
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,421
ONE CHILD, PREVIOUS
MARRIAGE. IMPOSSIBLE WOMAN.

155
00:08:59,489 --> 00:09:01,906
ENOUGH ABOUT ME. TELL
ME ABOUT YOURSELF. GO!

156
00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:03,942
OH. WELL, UH, OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

157
00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:08,313
ME, FROM TEXAS. UH, EX-HUSBAND.
UH, DUMPED. CHEATIN' BIMBO.

158
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:11,616
AND, UH, WELL, I'M SINGLE. GUESS
YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT. [Laughs]

159
00:09:11,685 --> 00:09:13,785
UH, RED HAIR. YOU KNOW THAT TOO.

160
00:09:13,854 --> 00:09:16,022
OH, MY GOSH. LOOK,
WHY DON'T I JUST TELL YOU

161
00:09:16,046 --> 00:09:18,089
WHAT I THINK'S
IMPORTANT IN A RELATION...

162
00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:20,091
SWITCH!

163
00:09:23,763 --> 00:09:26,097
THANK YOU.

164
00:09:26,165 --> 00:09:29,650
HI. I'M HANK. I LIKE TO
MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH.

165
00:09:29,719 --> 00:09:31,702
THAT'S NICE. I'M REBA.

166
00:09:31,771 --> 00:09:34,422
[Imitating Accent]
THAT'S NICE. I'M REBA.

167
00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:39,110
- I'M SORRY?
- I'M SORRY?

168
00:09:39,178 --> 00:09:42,113
WAIT. ARE YOU JUST GONNA
REPEAT EVERYTHING I SAY?

169
00:09:42,181 --> 00:09:44,949
WAIT. ARE YOU JUST GONNA
REPEAT EVERYTHING I SAY?

170
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,185
THAT'S NOT FUNNY. YES, IT IS.

171
00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:50,016
HEY! YOU MISSED ONE.
HEY! YOU MISSED ONE.

172
00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:52,289
I LIKE MEN. I LIKE ME...

173
00:09:52,358 --> 00:09:55,259
SWITCH! SWITCH.

174
00:10:04,136 --> 00:10:07,388
I'M HANK. I LIKE TO
MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH.

175
00:10:10,927 --> 00:10:13,310
HI THERE. HI THERE.

176
00:10:13,379 --> 00:10:15,411
I SWEAR, IF YOU'RE
GONNA SIT THERE AND

177
00:10:15,435 --> 00:10:17,816
REPEAT EVERYTHING I
SAY, I'M GONNA SLUG YOU.

178
00:10:17,884 --> 00:10:20,296
[Laughing] GOT IT. THANKS
FOR THE WARNING.

179
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:23,171
OH, I'M SORRY. I'VE
NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE.

180
00:10:23,239 --> 00:10:25,568
GLAD TO HEAR IT. I THINK IF
YOU'RE EXPERIENCED AT THIS,

181
00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:27,508
NOT A GOOD THING.

182
00:10:28,728 --> 00:10:31,529
AMEN. SO, WHY ARE YOU HERE?

183
00:10:31,597 --> 00:10:34,432
FRIEND DRAGGED ME. SAID
I DON'T GET OUT ENOUGH.

184
00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:38,853
I GOT A FRIEND LIKE THAT.
SHE'S FROM ROMANIA. [Laughing]

185
00:10:38,922 --> 00:10:43,174
HI. I'M REBA. REBA, I'M BRIAN.

186
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:45,388
UH, SO HERE'S MY ESSENCE.

187
00:10:45,412 --> 00:10:47,657
I LIVE IN KATY. I GOT
TWO DOGS, NO KIDS.

188
00:10:47,681 --> 00:10:49,692
I MAKE DOCUMENTARY
FILMS FOR A LIVING.

189
00:10:49,716 --> 00:10:52,383
AND, NO, YOU AIN'T NEVER
HEARD OF NONE OF 'EM.

190
00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:55,753
WOW. A FILMMAKER,
HUH? THAT'S EXCITING.

191
00:10:55,822 --> 00:11:00,191
WELL, I LIVE HERE IN HOUSTON.
UH, NO DOGS. THREE KIDS.

192
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:02,193
AND I, UH...

193
00:11:04,163 --> 00:11:07,031
I WRITE CHILDREN'S BOOKS. AND, NO,
YOU HAVEN'T EVER HEARD OF ANY OF 'EM.

194
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:09,200
[Laughing]

195
00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:11,230
YOU'VE GOT A BEAUTIFUL SMILE.

196
00:11:11,254 --> 00:11:14,288
WELL, THANKS. THIS IS NICE.

197
00:11:14,357 --> 00:11:17,186
- SWITCH!
- WAIT A MINUTE. WE JUST GOT STARTED.

198
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:19,209
EXCUSE ME. I'M NEXT.

199
00:11:19,278 --> 00:11:23,565
- HOLD YOUR HORSES.
- THEY'RE NOT SWITCHING.

200
00:11:23,633 --> 00:11:27,135
WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO OUT
SOMETIME? REALLY? I'D LOVE TO.

201
00:11:27,204 --> 00:11:30,438
SWITCH! EVERYONE SWITCH!

202
00:11:31,841 --> 00:11:33,991
I'M NOT SWITCHIN'. I'M DONE.

203
00:11:34,060 --> 00:11:37,212
STOP IT! I SAID STOP IT!

204
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:41,281
STOP IT! I SAID
STOP IT! [Pops Lips]

205
00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:50,141
[No Audible Dialogue]

206
00:11:54,981 --> 00:11:58,917
MAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE I
TOLD SUCH A STUPID LIE.

207
00:11:58,985 --> 00:12:01,269
WHY DID I TELL HIM
I WAS A WRITER?

208
00:12:01,338 --> 00:12:03,404
I SHOULD'VE TOLD
HIM I WAS A SPY.

209
00:12:05,309 --> 00:12:07,403
WELL, THERE'D BE NO WAY
FOR HIM TO CHECK THAT OUT.

210
00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:10,362
RELAX, MOM. YOU'RE NOT GONNA
TALK ABOUT YOUR CAREER TONIGHT.

211
00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:13,064
[Sighing] OH. NOT IF YOU
WANT THE DATE TO GO WELL.

212
00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:15,050
OH, AND DON'T TALK
ABOUT YOUR KIDS.

213
00:12:15,118 --> 00:12:17,463
HE'LL EITHER THINK YOU WANT MORE
OR BE BUMMED THAT YOU GOT 'EM.

214
00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:20,266
OKAY. I'M BARREN
AND CHILDLESS. GOT IT.

215
00:12:20,290 --> 00:12:23,541
OH, AND LAUGH AT HIS JOKES. MEN
LOVE THAT. WHAT IF THEY'RE NOT FUNNY?

216
00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:25,877
THEY WON'T BE, BUT LAUGH ANYWAY.

217
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:31,716
MOM, KYRA'S BEING MEAN.
SOMETIMES THE TRUTH HURTS.

218
00:12:31,785 --> 00:12:34,219
JAKE, GO TAKE YOUR
BATH. I'LL DEAL WITH HER.

219
00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:37,439
KYRA, ARE YOU GONNA
TORTURE HIM ALL NIGHT?

220
00:12:37,508 --> 00:12:39,828
NO. I'LL PROBABLY GET TIRED
AND TAKE A SHORT BREAK.

221
00:12:42,012 --> 00:12:43,945
YOU'RE NOT GONNA RUIN
THIS FOR ME, YOUNG LADY.

222
00:12:44,014 --> 00:12:47,633
AND LET ME REMIND YOU. SOMEDAY,
JAKE'S GONNA BE BIGGER THAN YOU ARE.

223
00:12:47,701 --> 00:12:50,861
I WOULDN'T COUNT ON IT. I LET
HIM SMOKE WHEN YOU'RE GONE.

224
00:12:54,424 --> 00:12:57,743
SHE REALLY LIGHTS UP
A ROOM, DOESN'T SHE?

225
00:12:57,811 --> 00:13:00,579
SHE'S HAVIN' A HARD
TIME RIGHT NOW.

226
00:13:00,648 --> 00:13:03,181
I MEAN, THINGS ARE FINALLY
SETTLED DOWN AROUND HERE,

227
00:13:03,250 --> 00:13:05,395
AND THEN YOUR MOM STARTS DATIN'.

228
00:13:05,419 --> 00:13:07,402
THAT'S A TOUGH
ADJUSTMENT FOR A KID.

229
00:13:07,471 --> 00:13:10,355
PLUS YOU JUST BECAME A FAMOUS
WRITER, LIKE, TWO DAYS AGO.

230
00:13:10,424 --> 00:13:13,792
<i>WELL, ALL RIGHT. ALL READY
FOR BOWLING, CHEYENNE?</i>

231
00:13:13,861 --> 00:13:16,695
NOW, REMEMBER,
MRS. H, DATING IS EASY.

232
00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:18,697
JUST RELAX, HAVE A
NICE CONVERSATION.

233
00:13:18,765 --> 00:13:22,100
OH, AND IF THE GUY GETS HAPPY
HANDS, STICK A KEY IN HIS WINDPIPE.

234
00:13:24,737 --> 00:13:27,488
DON'T MAKE HER MORE
NERVOUS THAN SHE ALREADY IS.

235
00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:29,691
[Nervous Laugh] IT'LL BE OKAY.

236
00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:32,794
I MEAN, WHAT'S IT BEEN, 20
YEARS SINCE MY LAST DATE?

237
00:13:32,863 --> 00:13:35,714
WHOA. THAT'S LONGER
THAN I'VE BEEN ALIVE.

238
00:13:41,020 --> 00:13:43,054
LOOK, MOM, THIS DATE
IS GONNA BE GREAT.

239
00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:45,857
AND IF IT ISN'T, I'M GONNA
GIVE YOU AN EASY OUT.

240
00:13:45,925 --> 00:13:47,859
HALFWAY THROUGH THE
DATE, I WILL GIVE YOU A CALL,

241
00:13:47,927 --> 00:13:49,861
AND I WILL GIVE YOU A
PHONY EXCUSE TO LEAVE.

242
00:13:49,929 --> 00:13:53,297
IF THE DATE'S GOING GREAT, THEN
JUST HANG UP ON ME. IT'S FOOLPROOF.

243
00:13:53,366 --> 00:13:57,452
CHEYENNE, THAT'S AN AWFUL
THING TO DO. DO NOT CALL ME.

244
00:13:57,521 --> 00:13:59,504
HEY, IT WORKS. I
REMEMBER, ONE TIME,

245
00:13:59,572 --> 00:14:02,940
I HAD A BUDDY CALL AND TELL
ME MY DOG ATE A SPARK PLUG.

246
00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:05,293
[Laughing]

247
00:14:06,429 --> 00:14:09,530
VAN, YOU WERE WITH
ME WHEN THAT HAPPENED.

248
00:14:12,118 --> 00:14:14,586
WHAT?

249
00:14:14,654 --> 00:14:18,906
NO, NO. SEE, YOU'RE
THINKIN' OF THE TIME...

250
00:14:18,975 --> 00:14:20,992
WE NEED TO GO. COME ON.

251
00:14:28,718 --> 00:14:30,997
SO, LISTEN, I HOPE I'M NOT BUGGING
YOU WITH ALL THESE QUESTIONS.

252
00:14:31,021 --> 00:14:34,589
IT'S JUST THAT I FIND IT FASCINATING
THAT YOU WRITE CHILDREN'S BOOKS.

253
00:14:34,658 --> 00:14:36,658
[Nervous Chuckle]

254
00:14:37,994 --> 00:14:39,944
YOU SURE DO.

255
00:14:41,331 --> 00:14:43,665
SO, UM, WHAT ARE
YOU WORKING ON NOW?

256
00:14:43,733 --> 00:14:46,150
NOW?

257
00:14:46,220 --> 00:14:49,087
OH, WELL, UM...

258
00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:51,873
IT'S A BOOK ABOUT A... A DUCK.

259
00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:55,927
A SMALL DUCK.

260
00:14:55,995 --> 00:15:00,882
UH, AND THE BOOK'S
CALLED, UH, <i>THE SMALL DUCK.</i>

261
00:15:00,951 --> 00:15:03,218
AND, UH, WHAT'S THE DUCK'S NAME?

262
00:15:05,272 --> 00:15:07,272
DUCKY?

263
00:15:09,543 --> 00:15:12,043
NO, I LOVE THAT. AND,
SO, WHAT HAPPENS?

264
00:15:12,112 --> 00:15:15,346
OH. WELL, UM,

265
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,427
I'M JUST KIND OF IN THE
BEGINNING STAGES RIGHT NOW.

266
00:15:17,451 --> 00:15:21,018
BUT, UH, THE STORY'S
ABOUT THIS, UH,

267
00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:26,541
SMALL DUCK WHO GETS
CAUGHT IN A, UH, BIG RAIN.

268
00:15:26,609 --> 00:15:30,328
[Laughs] AND, UH, WELL, HE LEARNS
ABOUT ALL THAT KIND OF STUFF.

269
00:15:30,397 --> 00:15:34,082
YOU KNOW. GOOD SALAD, HUH?

270
00:15:34,151 --> 00:15:36,462
YEAH, IT IS. I LIKE THE CRUNCHY
THINGS. WHAT ARE THESE, PINE NUTS?

271
00:15:36,486 --> 00:15:38,403
[Laughing]

272
00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:43,642
OH. THAT SOUNDED LIKE A JOKE. YOU
KNOW? "WHAT ARE THESE? PINE NUTS?"

273
00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:45,626
[Giggles]

274
00:15:47,664 --> 00:15:50,131
[Clears Throat]

275
00:15:52,702 --> 00:15:56,187
REBA, AM I, UH... AM I, UH... [Clears
Throat] MAKING YOU UNCOMFORTABLE?

276
00:15:56,256 --> 00:15:58,851
NO, NO. I JUST DON'T LIKE TO
TALK ABOUT MYSELF THAT MUCH.

277
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:01,871
SO, WHY DON'T WE TALK ABOUT
SOMETHING ELSE? <i>[Cell Phone Rings]</i>

278
00:16:01,895 --> 00:16:04,645
OH, EXCUSE ME.
JUST A SECOND HERE.

279
00:16:04,714 --> 00:16:06,982
[Ringing]

280
00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:09,751
CHEYENNE, I TOLD
YOU NOT TO... KYRA?

281
00:16:09,819 --> 00:16:13,288
IS EVERYTHING OKAY?
SORRY. JUST A MOMENT.

282
00:16:14,441 --> 00:16:16,991
I TOLD YOU TO ONLY
CALL ME IN AN EMERGENCY.

283
00:16:18,161 --> 00:16:20,601
WELL, THAT'S NOT AN EMERGENCY.

284
00:16:22,198 --> 00:16:25,800
WELL, OKAY. JUST WRITE "SPRINKLES"
ON THE GROCERY LIST, OKAY?

285
00:16:25,868 --> 00:16:27,802
FINE. GOOD-BYE.

286
00:16:30,356 --> 00:16:32,874
SORRY. A LITTLE CRISIS
AT HOME. NO, NO. SURE.

287
00:16:32,943 --> 00:16:35,443
YEAH. SO, YOU GOT "THE CALL."

288
00:16:35,511 --> 00:16:38,279
AND I GUESS YOU'RE
GONNA BE GOIN'. WHAT?

289
00:16:38,348 --> 00:16:42,634
REBA, I'M SORRY I WAS BUGGING YOU WITH
ALL THOSE QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR WRITING.

290
00:16:42,703 --> 00:16:45,537
IT'S JUST I AM SO
INCREDIBLY NERVOUS.

291
00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:47,333
NO, NO. YOU'RE NOT BUGGIN' ME.

292
00:16:47,357 --> 00:16:50,208
REBA, PLEASE. I WAS
GETTIN' ON MY OWN NERVES.

293
00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:55,463
YOU KNOW, THERE'S ONLY
SO MANY "DUCK" QUESTIONS.

294
00:16:55,532 --> 00:16:57,616
NO. I THINK IT'S
VERY WONDERFUL...

295
00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:59,951
THAT YOU'RE SO
INTERESTED IN WHAT I DO.

296
00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:02,086
[Nervous Chuckling]

297
00:17:05,526 --> 00:17:09,160
I JUST WISH I DID IT. WHAT?

298
00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:12,330
I LIED. I DON'T WRITE
CHILDREN'S BOOKS.

299
00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:14,477
MAYBE YOU SHOULD
DO A DOCUMENTARY...

300
00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:17,068
ON PEOPLE WHO LIE TO
IMPRESS OTHER PEOPLE.

301
00:17:17,136 --> 00:17:19,670
YEAH, WELL, ABOUT THAT.

302
00:17:21,325 --> 00:17:24,492
UH, I DON'T EXACTLY
MAKE DOCUMENTARIES.

303
00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:29,197
OH, NO. I MAKE 'EM. IT'S
JUST NOBODY BUYS 'EM.

304
00:17:29,265 --> 00:17:32,833
SO, TO PAY THE BILLS, I DO THOSE
CHEESY LATE-NIGHT COMMERCIALS.

305
00:17:32,902 --> 00:17:36,871
OH, YOU MEAN LIKE WILD
BILL'S AUTO ROUNDUP?

306
00:17:36,940 --> 00:17:40,241
[Laughing] THANK YOU
FOR KNOWING MY WORK.

307
00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:42,359
[Laughing]

308
00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:46,681
OKAY. WHY DON'T WE
START FRESH? OKAY.

309
00:17:46,750 --> 00:17:50,885
I WORK AT A DENTAL OFFICE. I HAVE
THREE CHILDREN AND A GRANDCHILD.

310
00:17:50,953 --> 00:17:52,953
WELL, THEN YOU'VE
GOTTA HAVE PICTURES.

311
00:17:53,022 --> 00:17:55,523
OH, YOU BET I DO. <i>[Chuckling]</i>

312
00:17:58,028 --> 00:18:00,412
- THIS IS ELIZABETH.
- OH.

313
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:03,982
SHE'S NINE MONTHS OLD.
ISN'T HER SCALP BEAUTIFUL?

314
00:18:04,051 --> 00:18:05,734
[Both Laughing]

315
00:18:05,802 --> 00:18:07,718
[No Audible Dialogue]

316
00:18:12,642 --> 00:18:14,742
JAKE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP?

317
00:18:14,811 --> 00:18:16,789
YOU KNOW MOM DOESN'T
LET YOU WATCH LATE-NIGHT TV.

318
00:18:16,813 --> 00:18:19,113
AND ARE YOU EATING
COOKIES ON THE COUCH?

319
00:18:19,182 --> 00:18:22,834
MY DOUBLE STUFS.

320
00:18:22,903 --> 00:18:24,902
DID YOU FINISH THE ENTIRE BAG?

321
00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:27,338
[Muffled, Indistinct]

322
00:18:28,992 --> 00:18:33,127
WHAT? HE SAID, "KYRA CALLED MOM
ON HER DATE." WHAT, ARE YOU DEAF?

323
00:18:34,748 --> 00:18:37,749
- COME ON, YOU. BEDTIME.
- MY STOMACH HURTS.

324
00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:39,800
WELL, DEAL WITH IT, COOKIE PIG.

325
00:18:43,757 --> 00:18:46,841
- WHY DID YOU CALL MOM
ON HER DATE?
- I WAS BORED.

326
00:18:47,944 --> 00:18:51,112
LOOK, KYRA, I KNOW
WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON.

327
00:18:51,180 --> 00:18:55,599
YOU KNOW, THINGS STARTED TO SETTLE DOWN
AROUND HERE, AND THEN MOM STARTS TO DATE.

328
00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:58,036
THAT'S A BIG
ADJUSTMENT ON A KID.

329
00:18:58,105 --> 00:19:01,339
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT IT IS OKAY TO HURT.

330
00:19:03,659 --> 00:19:06,094
THANKS FOR THAT INSIGHT,
OH GREAT, WISE TEEN MOTHER.

331
00:19:08,682 --> 00:19:12,550
THEN WHAT IS IT? THIS CAN'T JUST BE
ABOUT THE STUPID BABYSITTING THING.

332
00:19:12,618 --> 00:19:17,205
YES, IT IS. I DON'T THINK I SHOULD HAVE TO
WASTE MY LIFE, SO SHE CAN GO ON HER DATES.

333
00:19:17,274 --> 00:19:19,874
THAT IS SO SELFISH, KYRA.

334
00:19:19,942 --> 00:19:21,942
I MEAN, MOM DOES A
TON OF STUFF FOR US,

335
00:19:22,011 --> 00:19:24,946
AND, WHAT, SHE WANTS TO
GO OUT ONCE EVERY 20 YEARS?

336
00:19:26,866 --> 00:19:29,167
DON'T YOU THINK SHE
DESERVES TO BE HAPPY?

337
00:19:29,235 --> 00:19:31,485
- NO.
- WHAT?

338
00:19:31,554 --> 00:19:34,539
I DON'T WANT HER
TO BE HAPPY, OKAY?

339
00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:36,669
DIVORCED PEOPLE AREN'T
SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY.

340
00:19:36,693 --> 00:19:38,659
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

341
00:19:38,728 --> 00:19:40,723
THEY PROMISED TO
BE TOGETHER FOREVER.

342
00:19:40,747 --> 00:19:43,981
THEY COULDN'T MANAGE TO DO THAT, SO THEY
SHOULD HAVE TO LIVE WITH THEIR MISTAKES.

343
00:19:44,050 --> 00:19:47,168
SO, WHAT ABOUT DAD, KYRA?
YOU WANNA PUNISH DAD TOO?

344
00:19:47,236 --> 00:19:49,653
BARBRA JEAN IS
TAKING CARE OF THAT.

345
00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:56,394
WELL, IF IT MAKES
YOU FEEL ANY BETTER,

346
00:19:56,463 --> 00:19:58,413
I THINK MOM<i> IS</i> BEING PUNISHED...

347
00:19:58,482 --> 00:20:01,032
<i>THE DIVORCE, SHE
HAD TO FIND A JOB,</i>

348
00:20:01,101 --> 00:20:04,469
VAN AND I ARE LIVING
HERE WITH THE BABY.

349
00:20:04,538 --> 00:20:06,553
I MEAN, WOULD YOU WANT HER LIFE?

350
00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:10,291
- <i>[Door Opens]</i>
- HEY, KYRA.

351
00:20:10,360 --> 00:20:14,028
YOU OKAY? I HADN'T HEARD
FROM YOU IN THE LAST HALF HOUR.

352
00:20:14,097 --> 00:20:16,030
I WAS STARTIN' TO WORRY.

353
00:20:16,099 --> 00:20:18,515
I'M SORRY I CALLED YOU
SO MUCH TONIGHT, MOM.

354
00:20:18,584 --> 00:20:21,853
YOU ARE? WHY?

355
00:20:23,256 --> 00:20:26,541
I JUST AM. I GUESS
I WAS... SELFISH.

356
00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:30,394
- WELL, YOU SHOULD BE SORRY.
- I AM.

357
00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:32,397
GOOD.

358
00:20:33,934 --> 00:20:36,401
- THANKS, SWEETIE.
- OH. OKAY, OKAY.

359
00:20:36,469 --> 00:20:39,237
I SAID I'M SORRY. LET'S NOT GET ALL
"AFTER-SCHOOL SPECIAL" ABOUT IT.

360
00:20:41,374 --> 00:20:43,357
WOW. AN APOLOGY.

361
00:20:43,426 --> 00:20:46,544
I MUST BE GETTIN' GOOD AT THIS
"MOTHER-AND-DAUGHTER TALK" STUFF.

362
00:20:46,613 --> 00:20:48,573
I THINK THAT WAS A RECORD.

363
00:20:48,598 --> 00:20:50,915
YEP. YOU'RE FANTASTIC. YEAH.

364
00:20:50,984 --> 00:20:53,918
SO, TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DATE.

365
00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:56,421
OH, IT WENT WELL... EVENTUALLY.

366
00:20:56,489 --> 00:21:00,941
MM-HMM? HE ASKED ME OUT
TO DINNER NEXT WEEKEND.

367
00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:04,245
YOU KNOW, IF YOU KEEP YOUR LIES
STRAIGHT, THIS MIGHT GO ON FOR A WHILE.

368
00:21:04,314 --> 00:21:07,098
THAT'S OKAY, CHEYENNE.
I TOLD HIM THE TRUTH.

369
00:21:07,167 --> 00:21:10,885
THAT'S ONE GREAT THING ABOUT
DATING AS AN ADULT. NO GAMES.

370
00:21:10,954 --> 00:21:14,489
RIGHT. SO, DID HE KISS YOU?

371
00:21:14,558 --> 00:21:17,503
HMM-HMM! NO, BUT HE HELD MY
HAND ALL THE WAY TO THE CAR.

372
00:21:17,527 --> 00:21:20,228
[Both Laughing]

373
00:21:52,261 --> 00:21:55,213
<i>ACME! [Coughing]</i>